The Chronicles of Costco

It's been a while since my last post. A lot has happened since my resignation as bilingual patient coordinator at the Hood Clinic Health Clinic. Unfortunately, I never followed through with Moses for my potential ASIAN,CAUCASIAN,HISPANIC,LATINO,MEXICAN Model gig. I will forever be haunted by the "what ifs" of a potential, blossoming career as a magazine model. O well.

My optimistic future of single adult life in Louisiana did not last long. Shortly after my attempt of finding a fitting job in New Orleans, I was impressed to move back to Utah. It's funny how I was inspired to leave Provo, only to find my self moving right back. I am grateful, though, for the time I was able to spend at home this past summer. Aside from being with my mom and little brother, I was able to spend a lot of quality time with Maw Maw and Paw Paw Bourgeois.

Upon returning to Provo, I once again began the hunt for a job. After a few odd jobs, temp jobs, and 2 days as an employee on the bottom of a sketchy pyramid scheme, I finally received a phone call for my dream job (or so I thought hahaha)-- a Costco employee! I mean, really, who doesn't love Costco? You always hear of how great the benefits are and how people love working there. I could just see myself now: Arriving to work, putting on a cool apron, wheeling out a sample display, unwrapping a box of taquitos, placing the taquitos in the microwave, cutting them in to bite-sized pieces with scissors, and then being the most loved person in the world by allowing little kids and cheap moms to sneak more than one sample. If that's not the American dream then I don't know what is. However, my daydreaming drool was quickly wiped away when learning that I was to be hired as a morning food stocker. And by morning food stocker I mean being done with work before shoppers even arrive for Costco to be open. That means that my shifts would begin at 5 and occasionally 4am. Ok, I could still do this. How bad could it really be? Let's just say by day 3, I was already devising a way to quit. Here is an interchange of texts between my bff Levi and myself.

Ok, ok, i know what you're thinking- I'm over-exaggerating. But really, even the Mexican guy that got hired the same time as me treated me like Cinderella. For example, sometimes he would come over and ask to borrow my pallet jack for "2 minutes"(Costco seems to have more workers than they do pallet jacks so not everyone is supplied with one) A half hour would go by and I would have to trace him down and retrieve my pallet jack. I guess borrow means takes to this hombre. Speaking of borowing, he would come up to me at work and ask to "borrow" some money so he could get a drink from the vending machine. haha. Not a chance!

So, I mentioned that I worked with a dwarf that drove a forklift. Here is a picture for proof. This was not the only mystical being I worked with. I also had the opportunity of working with elves and fairies. Ok, not really elves. However, my immediate boss was shorter, had pointy ears and a goatee and just reminded me of an elf. It didn't help either, that the seasonal Costco Christmas displays were up. It was just that much more fitting that I felt like I was in Santa's workshop. So, anywho, I'll refer to him as "Papa Elf." Anyways, Papa Elf would boss me around and just give me the odd jobs to do, along with the jobs that no one else wanted to do. One day he made me clean ALL the windows in the fridge and freezer sections of the store. I couldn't feel my fingers by the end of the shift. Other days he would put me on the heavy lifting aisles. Another day he had me working in the walk-in fridge. The worst thing he did, however was come up with the "buddy system." *Side note there is a worker there that creeped me out. He was a little femmy, and would blast music from his radio mainly consisting of lady gaga type music. I have just described the fairy I was referring to haha.* Papa Elf decided that he wanted to pair up the new employees with veteran workers so that we could be trained and shown the ropes. Yup, you guessed it--I got to be "buddied" with the fairy. Halfway through working with him, the first question he asked me was, "What's your situation?" I took this to mean whether or not I was still in school, why I'm working at Costco, etc. After telling him my "situation" I learned this was not the question he had implied because he quickly rephrased his question by: "Are you married?" EEWWWWW. I didn't know quite how to reply, but I did make sure to let him know that I was "strictly chickly" hahaha.

In the mean time, I had been interviewing with a few different companies and just this past Friday I received a job offer for a financial representative position. I was sure to notify Costco the same day that I would no longer be working for them. They had me fill out some paperwork and issued me my last paycheck. What did I do to celebrate, you might ask? Well, Amy and I went to a Halloween store and bought another granny mask to replace a different one we lost the previous year. hahaha. I'm weird I know, but hey-simple pleasures. And here is the granny mask in action with Amy doing a little impromptu dance.



and just for good time sakes, you can compare the differences from our old mask. here is a video I took of Shane when we were screwing around one night. hahaha

All in a Hard Day's Work

Well, I figured ever since I've graduated from BYU I should probably be documenting the things going on in my life. To start off, I was prompted to move back home to Louisiana to find a job since Utah was not producing any leads. Since arriving home, I have had a few jobs offered to me, but I just haven't felt good about any of them until this one that I recently just accepted(or so I thought) So, last week I had an interview with a temp agency and it went really well. She had me placed within a day for a job at a local Health Center. She told me that I would be a bilingual patient coordinator or something like that. She made it sound really important and that there was plenty of room for growth within the company. Upon arriving for my first day on the job, I discovered that the place I would be working at was a walk-in health clinic in the ghetto, just a few blocks from the Walmart on Tchoupitoulas. I was given a quick tour of the facility and then I was redirected to the front desk, where I would be working(not the picture of the job that had been so beautifully painted by the Temp Hirer) I knew instantly this temp job was just that-temporary. I would not be lasting long. While at the front desk, I was given no responsibilities. I just sat there and watched the other 2 front desk workers call up patients and check them in and direct them to their appointments. O by the way, in case you were wondering, the two girls that were working in the front desk with me were named Jenarra(sp? pronounced juh-nar(like car)-uh) and Kelon(key-lawn). I wrote their names down immediately, knowing that I would forget them. In fact, every five minutes I was taking a glance at my notebook to remember how to pronounce Jenarra's name.

All but 15 minutes of this job was spent doing nothing but staring at a wall. Well i guess not the whole time. There were some entertaining things I saw go down. I felt like I was in the movie "Barber Shop". Jenarra and Kelon seemed to know almost all the patients, fed ex deliverers and random members of the hood just stoppin by to cool off in the AC haha. Also, most of the patients that would come to this clinic were there to get there free mammogram. Multiple old women would just come up to the window and tell me there boobs hurt. haha speaking of mammograms, this one drunk older black guy came in off the street and somehow snuck in the locked door passage way and began roaming around. He began asking where the mammogram women were, hoping to find them naked, only dressed in robes waiting to be seen by the doctor. haha. we had to kick him out quick. There were so many other crazy things I saw; like a schizophrenic lady who would change tones of her voice from high to low as if in different conversation, ladies wearing "hurricane katrina survivor" tshirts, an old man in a walker telling me to pass him the "operation protect" fishbowl bucket, full of condoms, so he could grab the biggest handful possible to stuff his pockets, while slowly strolling out, a suicidal man claiming he needed his refill prescription of valium "now", ladies complaining that they could have spent their $20 co-pay on a few pounds of crawfish and crabs. . . Leo, bony-Bob, Cliff. . . I could go on forever baby! hahaha
Anyways, as entertaining as that one day was, I knew it wasn't long-term, so that same night I decided to just quit right then in order to save both me and them the time. Soooo, you probably wondered why I have that one pic of the asian/latino at the header of this blog. . .It's a long story, but I guess it's worth explaining. Last night Levi and I were looking for jobs on craigslist. A few minutes into it, we clicked on the salon/spa/fitness employment tab and found this little gem:

This was just too good to pass up. I knew then that we just HAD to respond to this ad. Levi handed me the keyboard and I just began typing away. Here was my response:

"hello there sir/mam. i was writing to inquire about your posting for ASIAN,CAUCASIAN ,HISPANIC,LATINO,MEXICAN MODELS. before "discussing compensation" i just had a few questions.
1) are you looking for male or female models?
2) do you need prior modeling experience?
3) is it acceptable if we are only bred in just 2 of the races mentioned ABOVE?
4) you are probably wondering what is meant by "we" in the aforementioned question #3?
5) We= my friend(who is mix bred also) and I :)
6) do the free haircuts come with coloring also?
7) How long are the photoshoots?
8) in which magazine will the pictures be appearing?

OK. . on to the compensation discussion:
my first offer: 2 hot bods for haircut, styling, coloring, and a $20 gift certificate to Target
I will be awaiting the counteroffer. If you would like pics please let me know ;)
-Guillermo H."

Golden!!! the best part was that within ten minutes he replied! He said, "Give me a call, my name is Moses" and then left his phone number. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
please let me know of things we should talk about if/when I call Moses. hahaha

Don't Mess With The Jimmer

Meet Jimmer Fredette:




He is the starting point guard for the BYU Basketball team and arguably the most exciting player to watch in college basketball this season. Averaging over 27 points per game, Jimmer is currently in the running for the National Player of the Year Award. Jimmer has quickly become one of the most respected and loved basketball players in the country. After posting 47 points against Utah earlier in the season, Jimmer's popularity amongst America has quickly grown. Jimmermania is sweeping across the nation. He has been all over tv programs, sportscenter, radio shows, websites, twitter, etc. In Provo, he is reverenced. He is worshiped. He is idolized. Apparently there is one BYU student who doesn’t get the hype. Here is a letter to the editor of the school's Daily Universe that she wrote entitled "Idol Worship":

"I can’t walk across campus without hearing Jimmer Fredette’s name a dozen times. His name comes up everywhere: in class, at work, during lunch … really, people? Cut it out with the Jimmer worship. Last time I checked, idol worship was very much frowned upon in the scriptures.
Don’t you have a life to live? Then quit wasting it in front of the TV or in lines at the Marriott Center.
At the very least, stop trying to convert those of us who don’t follow BYU sports and don’t care that baseball and badminton are two different things. Pushing basketball on us isn’t going to make us like it any better.
I’m not blaming Jimmer for all this; was it Nephi’s fault in the Book of Mormon when his brothers worshiped him? As far as I’m concerned, Jimmer is perfectly free to live his dreams. If he reaches his goals and lives his dreams, more power to him. I would like the same courtesy from his fans: let me live my own dreams in peace, even if they don’t include ever sitting in the Marriott Center screaming my brains out.

Michelle Peralta
Apple Valley, Calif."


Unfortunately for the Jimmer-unbeliever, she signed the letter with her real name. To make matters worse, she posted a status update to her PUBLIC Facebook wall a few hours later:
"just wrote another irritated letter to the editor of the BYU newspaper. I hope this doesn't turn into a habit"

Last night I was on a BYU message board (cougarboard.com) and saw that someone had posted that her profile was open to comment on. Literally within seconds of reading this I went to her status and watched as the comments poured in. It went from 4 comments to about 27 in literally 2 minutes. In the next hour the responses to her status went viral. I was seriously crying laughing at some of the comments. Within an hour she had over 250 comments on her status. It took her until this morning when she had over 500 comments that she finally changed her facebook settings to private. Luckily someone archived all the comments for us here. Unfortunately, I was too busy laughing my head off and "liking" comments that I didn't get to contribute to her erupting status. Most of the comments were very creative, however there were a few that were a little too over the top blasphemous. Here are just a few of my favorite comments:

"You are hereby invited to attend the first church of the Jimmer! We worship every Wednesday night and Saturday afternoon."

"Wow, glad I finally finished reading this thread. Now I can brush my teeth, pray to Jimmer, and go to bed."

"One time the BYU basketball team was walking on the beach and they looked backed and only saw one set of footprints!"

"looks like your facebook page just got jimmered"

"If this thread goes down, Jimmer will resurrect it, he has that power. You know that now, right Michelle?"

So anywho, this story went viral overnight and was talked about on radio shows, internet articles, and sports websites.

Here is an invitation that FrontRowFanatics has sent Mrs. Michelle Peralta:

Scripture Power

Today I completed The Book of Mormon. I don’t even know how many times I’ve read it, but I’ve learned it really doesn’t matter the number of times its read, rather, more importantly is the consistent daily reading from its words. Bruce R. McConkie said, “I sometimes think that one of the best-kept secrets of the kingdom is that the scriptures open the door to the receipt of revelation… All of us are entitled to the sprit of prophecy and of revelation in our lives, both for our personal affairs and in our ministry. The prayerful study and pondering of the holy scriptures will do as much, or more than any other single thing, to bring that spirit, the sprit of prophecy and spirit of revelation, into our lives.” Dallin H. Oaks added, “The idea that scripture reading can lead to inspiration and revelation opens the door to the truth that a scripture is not limited to what it meant when it was written but may also include what that scripture means to a reader today. Even more, scripture reading may also lead to current revelation on whatever else the Lord wishes to communicate to the reader at that time . . . However talented men may be in administrative matters; however eloquent they may be in expressing their views; however learned they may be in worldly things they will be denied the sweet whisperings of the Spirit that might have been theirs unless they pay the price of studying, pondering, and praying about the scriptures.” Finally, Merrill J. Bateman said, “A casual, infrequent exposure to the scriptures will generally not open the door to the whisperings of the Spirit or provide insights.” I have seen the biggest difference when I read my scriptures daily, versus a casual reading here and there. I feel a lot more at peace and feel happier. Sundays are not the only days in which I feel the Spirit regularly now. President Eyring said, "If you have felt the influence of the Holy Ghost today, you may take it as evidence that the Atonement is working in your life. For that reason and many others, you would do well to put yourself in places and in tasks that invite the promptings of the Holy Ghost."

The prophet Joseph Smith said of the Book of Mormon: “a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book.” It still baffles me how anyone could read this book and deny the words that are in it. Moroni states, “And if there be faults they be the faults of a man. But behold, we know no fault; nevertheless God knoweth all things; therefore, he that condemneth , let him be aware lest he shall be in danger of hell fire.”

I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ. I have seen it change my life and many others. I know that Joseph Smith translated it through the power of God and through this book we may know that Joseph Smith was called to be a prophet in these last days. And if Joseph Smith was called to be a prophet, then the authority and priesthood given to him is the authority of God on Earth. With this authority, I know we can be baptized in Christ’s church to enter the kingdom of God and be sealed with our families in God’s temples in order to live together forever with our families.

Also, here is an awesome testimony from a Latter-day Apostle, Jeffrey R. Holland:

Called out by the Professor

Soooo right now one of the classes in which I am enrolled is Molecular Biology with Dr. Evans. Each Friday we have a take home quiz that is due at the beginning of class. This past Friday I was comparing my quiz with my friends before submitting and noticed that I had mislabeled the y axis for the x axis and vice versa(No worries it's not cheating, in fact my teacher encourages us to work with other students). There wasn't room on the quiz to scratch it out and redo it so I pulled out a blank sheet of paper and corrected it. I asked around if anyone had a stapler, glue, paperclip or anything that I could attach my newly drawn graph to my quiz with, but found no such luck. The TA's were going around picking up the quizzes so I didn't have time to leave the class and look for a stapler. All of a sudden my Cajun improvisation skills kicked in. I remembered i had gum in my bag, so I quickly popped a piece in my mouth and chewed it enough to get it moist and sticky. I then converted my trident gum into 4 pieces of "ticky tac" and pressed them in the four corners of my graph. I know, genius huh? Here's a pic of the final product.

(If you look carefully you can see the TA's comments of "EW" and "This is gross" hahaha)

So anyways, yesterday at the beginning of class my professor totally called me out. haha. He mentioned how there was one student that made a fix to his quiz and strategically placed 4 pieces of gum to attach the correction to the quiz. He held up my quiz and showed the class and everyone in the auditorium started laughing. He gave me props on how creative it was. . . the best part though is that i got full credit! HA! Here is a video of class yesterday. If you click on the bar around the 2:40 part you can hear him talk about me.

connect.byu.edu/p86208578/

It's Been a While

Well, it's a new year and with new years come resolutions. My sister Jessica gave each one of us siblings a "Dream Big 2010" journal last year for Christmas, so that we might write down our goals and dreams. I happened to locate my book and noticed the first page was full of all these awesome goals I had made and realized that there was not one that I accomplished. So let's just cross out that last "0" of 2010 and tear out that first page and make it "Dream Big 2011."

I've heard that if you don't write down your goals chances are that they won't come to pass. I figured I would share some of my dreams/goals with y'all so that not only will I be accountable for them, but y'all can keep me in check also. So here goes nothing. . .
Atop my list are a few of the following:
-graduate in April (I just had my exit interview with my counselor so I'm on track!)
-get straight A's my last semester
-take the GMAT this summer
-find a job for after graduation

Another goal I have (encouraged by my sister Laura) is to write in my journal (or blog) more about my tender mercies and the way in which I've seen the hand of God in my life. Elder D. Todd Christofferson gave an amazing talk tonight at the Marriott Center (A rebroadcast can be seen here) The main theme he talked about was "Give us this day our daily bread" taken from the Lord's prayer. He compared this to the manna in which Moses' people received daily. Here are just a few quotes that I loved (hopefully it's enough of a teaser to get ya to watch it)

Manna today can be as real as the physical manna of biblical times.

Live day by day. Yes, look to the future, but it is a bunch of days that make up a full lifetime.

When we pray daily for help for the things out of our power, we must first be sure we are doing all that is within our power.

I don't want you to give in to the pressure of the moment. Look through it and get through the day. Don't look ahead to the pain, just get through the day. Take it one day at a time.

Our consistency in small simple things can lead to great things. Even the mundane daily tasks become the building blocks of a great and glorious future.

Before bed each night, think about the successes and failures of the day and thank the Lord for the manna he gave you.



I love the gospel! I know God knows us. I am so grateful for all he blesses me with. I am so lucky to have the best family ever. AND to be 2 blocks away from my 2 little sisters and 2 doors down from my best friend. K thats all for tonight folks. Hopefully I'll blog again before next year hahahaha

I'll Be home for Christmas!!!

Well, this post isn't really a serious post or a scripture study type post, but instead more of a blast from the past. While I was listening to Amy's new song she did of I'll be home for Christmas, I got reminiscing of past Christmas experiences of anticipating being home with the fam for Christmas. In so doing, I was browsing on my U drive and came across a paper I wrote four years ago for my freshman year english class. I'm basically posting this to preserve this work of art. So, here it is:

Murphy’s Law

It all started early on the morning of my flight home for Christmas break. My sister, Sarah, and I had arrived early at the Salt Lake City Airport anticipating our flight home. After waiting in a line the size of a girl’s restroom line at halftime of a football game, we finally made it to the front of the Delta desk. After checking on our bags my sister leaned towards me and whispered, “Yes, we’re in!” Unfortunately she said this a little too loud. The airport was sure to pick me as one of the “random” people to be searched. I swear I was sent through a series of at least five different search stations. After being run through with the metal wand, I was sent on to the next station. During this procedure I was “patted down” by a security officer. This was one of the most awkward moments in my life. This security officer did not give just any pat down; he practically gave me a body massage. At the end of this pat down he even asked, “Do you work out?” For a moment I thought I was in the San Francisco Airport. After being sexually assaulted by this “security officer” I went through a couple more search procedures until I got to the final search where shoes are checked. First, the security guard waved that metal wand across my left tennis shoes and nothing happened. Then she waved it across the right shoe. When this happened the wand would not stop beeping. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was wondering what could possibly go wrong next. Did a terrorist plant some bomb in my sneaker? The security officer had to take my shoe and further examine it. She looked at my shoe for a few seconds and pulled out a metal screw from the bottom of my sneaker. She asked me if I knew why there was a screw stuck in my shoe and if there was something that I should tell them. Explaining to them that I did not know how a screw got in the bottom of my shoe they finally released me from their Nazi-like search.

After having my bags searched, being sexually assaulted and being perceived as a terrorist, I finally made it through security and to my terminal. Five minutes before boarding, Delta made an announcement that my flight was cancelled due to fog. Already ticked off, I had to stand in another long line to book a later flight home. Having finally gotten to the front of the line the travel agent informed me she was preparing to board people for another flight and she would not be able to help me. “That’s just great! You can help someone who has a flight leaving on time, but you can’t help me.” After giving the flight attendant an evil, disgusted stare, she sent me to another desk to get help. At this desk, my sister and I finally got assigned seats on a later flight home. I asked the lady at this counter, “Are we going to get any refunds or vouchers because of this inconvenience?” Without hesitation she replied, “There is nothing Delta can do in circumstances like this.”

When my sister and I finally arrived to our destination we headed down to baggage claim. Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse the unthinkable happened—Delta lost our luggage. You always hear about airlines loosing luggage and you see it in movies, but you never think that it could actually happen to you. My sister and I went to the Delta counter and gave them our home phone number and address. The last thing the Delta representative said to us was, “We will be in touch with you shortly when we receive your luggage.” This statement could not have been further from the truth. By shortly if she meant never, then I guess she was correct. The next day, Sunday, I still hadn’t heard anything from the airline company. I attempted to call Delta baggage claim, but they were either busy or closed. My parents insisted that I still go to church even though my church clothes were in my suitcase. My dad had me try on one of his smallest shirts and khakis that didn’t fit him anymore. The shirt was a little loose, but the khakis were like parachute pants. A belt could hardly hold these pants up. My dad then threw me another pair of slacks to try on. These were a little tight but I was still able to button them. Realizing that these could not possibly be my dad’s pants, I looked more closely at them and noticed they had no pockets. “These are mom’s pants. There’s no way I am wearing these to church!” I exclaimed. My dad looked at my outfit and trying not to laugh he responded, “It looks fine, buddy, no one will notice that they’re girl pants.” I took off the pants and went in search for some different slacks. I finally found some pants that I hadn’t worn since freshman year in high school. While at church, I tried hard to avoid as many people as possible. I didn’t want them to stare at my baggy shirt, high-waters, and sandals that I was wearing. I didn’t want to have to explain to them why I didn’t have my church clothes and how the airlines had lost my luggage.

Each day that went by made me realize how much more I needed my suitcase. Some days I drove three times to the airport to see if my bags had arrived. After the third day without my bags I called Delta customer service. Delta is so cheap that it hires people from India and trains them to answer phone calls. After talking to a young lady who claimed her name was Susan, I asked for information on where my bags were and when I was going to get them. I could barely understand a word she was speaking. In her broken English she said, “I can transfer you to Delta baggage claim for your questions.” I tried to explain to her that baggage claim was either closed or busy. I told her that I wanted my questions answered. “Lady, I have been going funky the past few days. I have been wearing the same draws for three days straight. Since I don’t have my bags, will Delta reimburse me if I go out and buy clothes and toiletries and what not?” I questioned. She explained to me that Delta could only guarantee up to twenty-five dollars a day. What type of person can buy clothes for twenty-five bucks? Did she expect me to go shop at Salvation Army? After this conversation I went to Target and tried to manage my money the best I could to purchase clothes and some other necessities.

The days grew longer and longer. “Could this be the day that my bags finally get here,” I questioned each morning. After eight trips back and forth from my home to the airport our luggage finally came—five days after the luggage was initially supposed to be in! Out of all the Delta representatives I talked to these past few days, not one person apologized for what had happened. How could an airline company not care about its customers? This is not just any typical airline—this is Delta. Its customers deserve better treatment than what I received. How can Delta take my money and not only inconvenience me by canceling my flight, but not give me a refund or an airplane voucher? All it did was book me on a flight with empty seats that was already scheduled to leave. That airplane was going to leave regardless of whether or not I was on that plane. What does the airline company do with the money I paid for my flight? It certainly did not go towards the fuel for the plane that got cancelled. Was Delta going to give me a refund? Would they even respond if I sent them a letter to complain?

Murphy’s Law states anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong. While many people dismiss Murphy’s Law as a silly urban myth, there’s no doubt in my mind that this law truly does exist. I happened to witness it firsthand. Right when you think that a circumstance can not get worse—it can.

Despite the little bitterness I still possess, looking back at this whole experience can only make me laugh. Oftentimes unfortunate events are thrown upon one’s path. It all depends upon a person’s attitude on how they can overcome these circumstances. If somebody is willing to be optimistic and have a good attitude, then just about everything will be possible to handle. Sometimes even the wrong things can end up funny in retrospect.

The ironic thing is I finally received my Eagle Scout Award during this vacation home. The motto of the Boy Scouts of America is “be prepared.” To think I could have been better off if I would have paid attention all those years in Scouts and applied its principles to my life. Instead I was too busy sharpening knives and playing with fire. Being prepared will not only be beneficial with traveling plans, but in all circumstances in life. It never hurts to be prepared and always have a backup plan; it can only help. From now on I will put myself in the position to always have another option in major situations. The next time I fly I’ll make sure I have a carry-on bag with a set of backup clothes and necessities.


So there it is, needless to say, I'm glad that I'll be home for Christmas!!!
(p.s. special thanks to Jessica and Scott for editing this paper-good times!)